Today I: took Sebby to get clipped, had breakfast out, then nearly died of starvation due to fasting for an ultrasound... damm grumbling gallbladder :( 

I was on Cauldrons and Cupcakes earlier, and today Nicole is talking about self worth and taking back your dreams... She says, "This is a week for reclaiming our joy, and reconnecting with our dreams. Why do we need to reclaim them? ... Because at some stage in the past we were told that we couldn’t have the dream. Or we couldn’t do the thing that gave us joy."

For me, over the last few years, its been my internal dialogue that has stopped me following my dreams.  And more recently, just when I threw everything over and felt like I'd found my path, I stopped myself again... this time taking a job when I knew it wasn't the right thing for me to do at the time.  Clinging to the familiar when everything around me was new and fresh.

The dumbest part of all is that I KNOW what my dreams are, I know what brings me joy.  I'm not searching.  I'm up to my chest in stupid-ass joy and dreams.  For me its in this train-wreck of a house, writing stories, being hilarious on twitter (ok in my opinion), online marketing, getting creative on canva, blogging like a boss... *cough*

So why did I take the job?  Because I never gave myself permission to follow my dreams.  Told myself I couldnt leap without looking, that the risk that comes with following any dream was too much (I dont know what that too much quantifies... risk, stress, fear, failure, success; it was just a dark nebulous roadblock labelled Too Much).

But when I walked away from that job I finally overcame the too much... As Nicole puts it, "When we give ourselves permission to follow our dreams and do what makes us happy all kinds of magic begins to flow in our lives."

Is the magic flowing... well, thus far in renewed passion for writing and reading, home renovating and delight in dumb-ass puppies... but its only been a fortnight...